Don’t get discouraged if things don’t happen overnight!

Sometimes things seem to take forever to get off the ground. You put a lot of work and effort into what you are trying to achieve and you simply don’t seem to get anywhere with it. Maybe you are just starting out in a new business and your traffic is so slow no matter what you do and how much you advertise yourself. Maybe you are trying to fix some relationship issues or save your marriage and you seem to be the only one working on it. Maybe you are trying to learn a new skill or hobby and no matter how much you study and practice you just can’t seem to make any headway in it. Don’t get discouraged by any of this, sometimes it takes time for things to come together.

Often we set ourselves unrealistic goals or time frames in which to accomplish our goals. We set ourselves up for disappointments and what we are going to see as failures. We try to do everything by ourselves or try to get everything we need or want to accomplish our goal by ourselves, making it at lot harder on us than when we ask for what we want or need.

The reality is that things take time to develop if we want them to have a solid foundation on which to stand. If you want something to last only for a short duration of time you can “slap it together” and that is good enough, but if you want it to be for a long time and be able to grow from there you will need to give yourself time and make smaller goals. Expect set backs and delays. Be prepared to roll with the punches. Realize that anytime you deal with other human beings there is an element of the unknown and the unpredictable.

On average it takes 4 to 5 Years before a new business really gets off the ground and that is in a healthy economy. A new website or blog usually takes anywhere from 2 to 3 Years to build a loyal readership and steady traffic. During those “seed” years you have to be willing to put a lot of effort in with very little obvious return. This can get very discouraging if you allow it. Take this website for an example. I have been a life coach for many years already and I used to do my counseling through Kazamba which later turned into lifeperson. They were already established, with a good traffic and a big customer base. Once they decided that they didn’t allow me to talk freely and counsel freely on the different alternative lifestyle topics which I deal with from time to time, the didn’t just lock my account and keep my earning, but they also made it impossible for me to respond to my clients there and let them know that I was no longer available via this venue. This must have felt like a slap in the face to them. By their TOS I did not keep personal contact information of my clients and so had to lose my loyal client base.

It took me 2 Years to find a new option to not only safely bill for my counseling sessions but also establish a phone line which didn’t require for me to pay exorbitant fees to set up. Trust me I tried several of them and each ended up being less than acceptable. It wasn’t until I found myphonesite that I felt confident again to start advertising myself and openly offer my services to those in need of them. Myphonesite, even so reliable is fairly new and does not have a lot of build in traffic, which means I am responsible for my own marketing. Something that is not only time consuming, but costly depending on what venues you pursue. I didn’t open this blog up until late last year and with that the traffic coming to this blog is meeker at best. Matter of fact as I am writing this post I have no idea how many people will actually click on the link which will be shown on twitter and facebook (my current free marketing options) and visit this blog to read it. Now if I was easily discouraged this would deter me from putting in the effort it will take to become once more known and bring my counseling service of the ground once more.

I am also restarting a business / service in an economy which has been hit pretty badly and is only slowly recovering in some areas of the globe. Not the most opportune time to begin anything new.

I always suggest never to put all your eggs into one basket. Never start anything new without a backup plan when it comes to business or a security net. If you have planned your goal with all the facts or the facts you can surmise and find out in place, you can make a better goal time line. By assuring that you can afford for it to take the necessary time it will take to take hold, you can relax and not get desperate. Something which will stop you from achieving your goal every time.

Let’s go to relationship issues for a second. Here you are dealing not just with yourself, but with your counter part. This means that no matter what you may say or do, you are not in full control of the situation. Too many people make the mistake of thinking they can force change. Change can never be forced, you can only give it fertile ground in which it can feel secure enough to happen. I always advice those who approach me and want to know how they can make their part “see reason” or “change their bad behavior” like this. You can’t, but you can change yourself into someone that inspires better behavior or is more easy to understand. Remember that a lot of relationship issues happen because neither gender can really understand the way the other functions. That is actually one of the biggest problems. We assume that both genders behave, think and respond the same way. They don’t! Add to this that each individual person is different and comes from a different background and you have a very big gray area which you have to navigate slowly and carefully. A men who is constantly being nagged by his wife is not going to change, but instead just tune her out all together. The nagging is not going to bring him closer to her, but instead will drive him further away. This of course will look to the woman as if he doesn’t care about her and will only cause her to nag even more. What a devilish cycle. Do you know how to stop this cycle? By being the one who takes the first step to break it. Figure out what the real issue behind the constant nagging is. Is him never picking up the dirty clothe of the floor really the issue or is it the fact that you feel disrespected and taken for granted when he does so? Once you know the actual underlying cause you can approach it a lot different. YOu know either have the choice to a. realize that he isn’t doing this to disrespect you, he simply forgets to do it, b. he doesn’t want to be treated like a child by you and that is what you are doing when you constantly nag him about it, c. he really doesn’t understand what the big deal is. and let it go. Or you can sit him down in a loving manner and instead of nagging at him about “Being a slob and never putting his shit away blah blah blah” take his hand and simply say.”Honey I know you love me and you don’t understand what it bothers me so much when you don’t clean up after yourself. You hate it when I treat you like a child, but when you don’t put your stuff away you treat me like I am your mother and you don’t show me any respect. That really hurts me. I don’t want to be your mother, I am your “enter your relationship status here”. ” This for one will give him pause because you are not just bitching at him, but are actually giving him the reason of the irritation and if he is a mature minded man he will realize that if he doesn’t behave like a child, you won’t treat him like one. You have just in one sentence given him the reason and a possible solution, while leaving the ball in his court. He can now either pick up his things or you can just leave them on the ground from now on. Concentrate on cleaning everything else up and don’t act like his mother anymore. Just stop talking about it. If the clothe are not picked up and put in the hamper where you want them to be, they won’t get washed by you. He can now either wash them himself and as a grown man he should know how to do that, or not have any clean clothe to wear until he respects your wishes. It is so simple, and you now can stop being stressed out about it and he no longer needs to listen to you bitch about it.

A lot of small relationships problems like that have very simple solutions, you just need to know how to find them. You don’t look for them with your partner, you look for them with yourself. Remember only you have the control to change yourself. People may not trust the changes for a little while, because too many of us change back quickly when we don’t see the desired results, but you shouldn’t change anyways to get a specific result. You should change because it is better and healthier for you.

That too is a something that won’t happen overnight. But more on that later.

If you would like to talk to me directly and see if I can help you in a common sense manner, feel free to call me on my phone counseling lines when I am available. I am looking forward to speaking to you.

Shalamar